When you’re pregnant, all you want to do is shout it from the rooftops, look at teeny tiny baby clothes in the shops and show off your bump to the world. Unfortunately, this is far from what my pregnancy has been like so far.
It’s a very strange time for everyone at the moment (understatement of the century!), as I’m writing we’re nearly on day 60 of the Coronavirus lockdown, so we’ve been at home for what feels like forever, all while dealing with a three-year-old that’s bored stiff and doesn’t understand why he can’t go to nursery or play at the park.
Pregnancy this time around has been a lot tougher and I think the lockdown has contributed to this massively. My sickness lasted a lot longer and the exhaustion is worse than ever, there are days when it feels like I can’t even put one foot in front of the other. I’ve had to accept that I can’t do everything, I’ve actually discovered that Shane is a dab-hand with a mop and duster now that he’s doing more chores, so every cloud!
I’ve had to accept going to scan appointments alone which has probably been the hardest point so far. My 12-week scan was just at the start of lockdown, I sat in the waiting room on my own absolutely terrified, terrified in case something was wrong, terrified that I was going to have to deal with it alone. I asked if I could FaceTime Shane or just take a quick video at the end of the scan only to be met with a very abrupt ‘no, if we let you do it now, then everyone will expect to do it after all this is over’… I can’t say I agree with that logic, but there we go.
I’m nearly halfway through and I’ve only been able to show off my bump to friends and family on FaceTime. I’ve not been able to go to any pregnancy yoga classes (something that helped me massively in my last pregnancy) I’ve not been able to stock up on baby clothes or properly celebrate the news with our friends and family.
Even my pre-natal appointments have been affected, I’ve not seen a midwife since I was 8 weeks, I still haven’t heard my baby’s heartbeat and I won’t be seeing my community midwife until I’m 28 weeks. It’s meant that I’m on high alert waiting to feel every flutter, and panicking over every unusual feeling or pain, as well as feeling so anxious if we see anyone when we’re out on a walk. I decided at the start of my pregnancy that I wanted to try hypnobirthing and I’ve just started an online course, so I’m hoping I’ll feel zen and relaxed soon enough!
I can’t help but feel like this pregnancy has been spoilt by all of the chaos going on, especially because pregnant women were put in the vulnerable category from very early on, it’s meant I’ve only been out of the house for walks around my area, plus to my scan. Oh, and I did go with Shane to pick up our click and collect food shop, it felt like I’d won a holiday!
It seems like things may be starting to relax and I hope lockdown is coming to an end (if people could follow the rules!). I’m trying to get out of this pity party and hope that by the time we get to Baby Long’s due date in October things will have settled down so my labour and birth choices won’t be affected…fingers crossed!