Jack, the little darling, has taken to waking up any time from 4.45am-6.30am most days, for as long as I can remember he’s always been a 7am kind of guy, which suited me just fine.
But now he refuses to go back to sleep when I tell him ‘it’s still night time’ – the kid’s not stupid, he knows that the sun is up so in his mind I’m the horrible person that’s keeping him from playing with his trains, there’s no way he’s going back to sleep. I honestly have no idea why he’s waking up so early, all of the ‘sleep training’ advice seems to be about getting them to stay asleep throughout the night, but nothing about getting them to sleep for a little bit longer – help!
It may sound dramatic, but I don’t if I’m coming or going at the moment.
I never know what time my day is going to start or if I’m going to be woken up by my phone alarm or by Jack shouting ‘MUMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY UP PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE’, it’s very much always the latter. Then it’s having to get us both sorted, do the nursery drop off, go to work, then pick up an over tired toddler from nursey who just wants to sit and watch Peppa Pig with a box of raisins, then once he’s gone to bed I get on with my own shizzle then before I know it I’m waiting for the morning cycle to start over again.
My anxiety is all over the shop lately and I think it’s because I’m so blooming exhausted. I’ve been snappy, I’ve been feeling groggy all the time and I’m over thinking absolutely everything. I’ve sat in bed at night thinking about things that have happened years and years ago, things that I never have nor will ever will have any control of, but those thoughts are still just going around and round in my head. Why is it the time when you want to be most relaxed, your deepest darkest memories come out to play?
My moods have been horrendous, I’ve noticed a massive change since having Jack, those time of the month hormones feel like a red mist coming down and I want to snap at every little comment that somebody makes, that somebody is usually Shane…soz love. The worst thing is I can feel myself completely overreacting about the silliest of things, but at that moment in time there’s no stopping me and I get more and more wound up. The other day I kept crying for no reason what so ever – what’s that all about!?
Maybe I just need to pull myself up and start taking care of myself, put things in to perspective – I’m going to have stressful days, I’m a working mum, it’s never going to be smooth sailing – it’s OK to have a little cry in the toilet every now and then. It’s either that or a 3-week cruise around the Caribbean, but perspective is free so I guess I’m going to have to go for that, unless I win the lottery…