So, I’m now in to my fourth month back from maternity leave, and I’m not going to sugar coat it – it’s so bloody tough.
Going back to work was a conversation that I admittedly put off for way too long, every time Shane would mention the subject I would walk off or just point blank refuse to talk about it! The nine months that I had off with Jack seemed like a blur of milk, tiredness and other issues that I won’t bore you with, but it meant that I didn’t have the maternity leave that I had dreamt of. I had the horrible baby blues for the first couple of months, and after I got over that the rest of my leave seemed to go by at warp speed.
Once we FINALLY had the conversation (it was getting close to my maternity pay stopping so I really had to get a wiggle on), we decided that the best option would be to put Jack into a nursery 2 days a week, my mother-in-law would have him for 2 days, and I’d have a day off in between. I then had to take the plunge and choose a nursery (more about that on this blog post) and before I knew it, the 5th June had come round and I’d dropped Jack off for his first day at nursery and I found myself sitting outside my office, ready to get back to work.
That first week was hard work – trying to force ourselves into a routine to make sure I made it in to work on time was tough. Getting used to the fact that I couldn’t just plod around the house in my own time and then saunter off to work, I had a teeny tiny human that was sat next to me playing while I got ready, then the same tiny human would then kick off and turn in to some sort of baby free-runner when I was 2 minutes from leaving the house while refusing to get his clothes on.
Since then I have changed jobs and am in a more demanding roll, I need to be on the ball a lot more! It’s so hard getting used to making sure you’re constantly ahead of the game – packing Jacks stuff the night before, getting lunch ready, even putting water in the kettle for my morning cuppa – then before I know it it’s off to bed and then my alarm is going off and I have to get up and start all over again.
There are days when I’m counting down the minutes until I get to see Jacks face, and then there’s the mornings where it’s been an absolute mission getting out of the house and all I want to do is sit at my desk and have a tea without someone pulling at my leg.
Both Shane’s mum and my mum didn’t work while we were both growing up, and sometimes I feel such a horrendous pang of guilt that I’m going to miss huge milestones in Jacks life – luckily he started crawling a week before he started nursery otherwise I’m sure that would have tipped me over the edge – and I know there are things that I’m going to miss out on because I’m working. I’m sure the day I miss out on something will make me feel like the worst mother on the planet, but I’ve got to remember that the reason I’m working is to make our lives better.
It feels like I’m juggling a million balls all at once on a daily basis. I’ve dropped a fair few already, but overall I don’t think I’m doing tooooooo badly!