My labour story

I thought I was prepared for the day I went into labour, but boy was I wrong!

It was at the end of a bloody hot August, we were at Shane’s mums for her birthday BBQ, and I just felt a bit…meh. I think it was the first time in my whole pregnancy that I felt like I’d had enough, I didn’t want to be sociable or talk to anyone- I just sat in the garden in the shade, with a face like a slapped arse! I loved being pregnant and I absolutely loved my bump, even though it gave me major pelvic gurdle pain, but that day was the first time I felt like I wanted to say goodbye to my bump and hello to my little bundle.

We got home ready for the start of the new series of X Factor (after I had munched away on a whole pack of breadsticks and dip), which I was buzzing about because Shazza O was back, but instead I just waddled off to bed in a grump, fed up and feeling bigger than ever.

I woke up at about 11pm and Shane was in the middle of binge watching Sons of Anarchy, I instantly thought I had wet myself – FYI your waters breaking is the strangest and grossest thing ever – I think Shane was a bit miffed I disturbed his tv but never mind! I gave the hospital a call and they said that I might have just had an ‘accident’ (how blooming rude, I’d been doing my pelvic floor exercises non stop!) and to ring back in about half hour to confirm if it was my waters. Well I didn’t give them half hour because after 15 minutes I was still leaking like a burst pipe, it was definitely my waters!

Cue some rather hilarious phone calls to the mum and mother in law, my mother in law sobered up instantly after having one too many Prosecco’s at her birthday BBQ (bless her – she never lets her hair down and has a drink but the one time she does I go into labour), and I’m pretty sure my mum fell out of bed…

After we made the mum calls I started laughing with some sort of nervous hysteria, was I really actually in labour? All this time of planning and it’s actually happening? Now at this point I was feeling a little gross after the giant water balloon inside me had popped, so I took myself off to the shower to get cleaned up, and then the bastard contractions began!

Oh, I’ve forgot to mention one very important detail – just over three weeks before this night, Shane, the selfish tit, went in for major knee surgery had been bed bound for two weeks and was pretty bloody useless – I still bring this up when he’s bugging me.

So back to contractions, I would probably describe the first few as mild cramping, but they didn’t stay mild for long! When we spoke to the midwife she said that it would be a while so go back to bed and try and get some sleep; so I tucked myself back into bed and must have slept for all of zero seconds, how the hell was I supposed to sleep when my baby was planning his eviction?

Because Shane, the poor sod, couldn’t walk let alone drive me to the hospital, mum came zooming round and done the classic ‘not-panicking’ faff until it was time to go to the hospital at around 3.30am. Oh, that was just before I puked my guts up, apparently that’s quite common.

I don’t think anybody can predict what they’re going to be like during a contraction until they actually experience one. Not going to lie, I thought I would be a bit of a screaming banshee, but I was actually really quiet- I’m going to put that down to all the pregnancy yoga I had been doing – really helped get me into ‘the zone’.

I had been told that you have to be a minimum of 4cm dilated for them to keep you in the hospital, so when the midwife told me I was at that golden 4cm I was immediately relieved because it meant one thing – pain relief!

My midwife hooked me up with some gas and air, and soon that little tube became my best mate. It doesn’t take the pain away, but it completely takes your mind off it because you feel off your cheddar.

Before long gas and air just wasn’t cutting it and I was being that annoying woman that demanded an epidural; but instead the midwife suggested getting into the birthing pool instead. All along my pregnancy I had never fancied the idea of a pool birth, mainly because the idea of all the gunk floating around made me feel sick, but nevertheless after some persuading from the midwife, Shane and mum, off I plodded and got into the pool – game changer! It’s true what they say, being in the water really does help, I felt so much more relaxed, plus I could still keep hold of my new bff to take the edge off.

I was in the pool for what felt like days but in reality was only a few hours, I remember thinking that everyone was lying to me because they kept saying ‘baby is nearly here, not long now’. I also experienced that ‘whooshing’ feeling when your body starts pushing for you, that felt seriously weird! So after another hour or so of contractions and me starting to get the right hump, things kicked up a gear. I was told that the head is always the most stingy part and boy that’s true, it felt like it was never ending, I was convinced my baby was going to have a giant head.

After that it was just a couple more pushes and boom – our baby was here, a mere 10 hours after my waters had broken, at 9.25am. It was up to Shane (who bless him stayed on his feet the whole time and by this point had an ankle the size of a house) to tell me that we had a little baby boy. That moment is so hard to describe, I honestly couldn’t believe that we had a son and he was finally here, I just couldn’t stop staring at him, I couldn’t believe what my body had just done!

After that it’s all the gross stuff, placenta delivery and being stitched up (only a little bit thank god!), also quick tip – don’t look in that birthing pool once you get out – unless you want to look at a pool of claret’y gunk. Mum had gone off to buy everything blue from the gift shop while I was getting sorted out, and I looked over to see Shane, holding our baby with complete awe – I don’t think I’ll ever forget his face, he seemed so content. It was that moment I knew our lives had changed forever, and I knew that it was time to say goodbye to another love of mine – sleep!

So there you go, as labour goes I’ve been told it was ‘easy’ – I certainly wouldn’t have called it easy! But I would say I was one of the lucky ones with no complications, and a stress-free birth. What was your labour like? I hope it wasn’t too traumatic for you!

Posted in: Mum

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